Post Mother's Day

I chose not to post on Mother's Day because it is never an easy day for me.  The last two years have been even worse for me, but I try not to dwell on the sadness.  It's definitely easier to be sad and let the grief and loss overwhelm you, but just because something is easier doesn't make it right. So, this past Sunday, I decided to do the right thing, focus away from the sadness, and set my sights on making this Mother's Day special for my mother and for my family and friends.

We had my parents over for a lovely Mother's Day "Lunner," yes, that is lunch and dinner.  B was awesome and made the whole meal from scratch for my parents and I to enjoy.  We wanted to keep things low key, especially as this Mother's Day fell on the 5 year anniversary of my Nana's passing.  It was a bittersweet day for my mom, and I wanted to make sure it was enjoyable for her.  I think we succeeded!  I am very grateful to B for treating all of us to such delicious food and for keeping the day as stress free as possible for me (no easy feat!).

I am also grateful for so many of my beautiful friends that took a moment to think of me, even though I am not a mother (yet).A family member of one of my kids (who doesn't know about our infertility) wrote a beautiful note about me being "mom" to six kids.  A sentiment that was later shared by one of my dearest friends here.  Both brought tears to my eyes, and I had to take some time before responding.  And one of my dearest friends from my old online group just sent me a simple "I love you, friend."

Those comments meant the world to me.  I don't want to be pitied, I don't want to be ignored.  Those beautiful words... they kept my spirits high, and a smile on my face.  And for that, I thank my wonderful friends and family.  Y'all are what keep me chugging along, through the good and the bad.  The laughter, tears, frustration, and happiness... that all comes from those around me. So, for my Mother's Day this year, I just want to say... Thank you.

Happy Mother's Day to all who are mothers, in heaven and on earth. In hope and in prayers.

How does one start?

How do you start "The Talk" about infertility? Do you start dark and gloomy or full of pep and optimism? Use humor, sarcasm, make passive-aggressive statements? How do you let people know that one of your deepest, darkest fears has been your reality for over 7 years? It's not an easy road to travel.  It's not a fun road to travel... and that's not even counting the actual journey. I am merely talking about TALKING about infertility.

The answer is easy.  Go for the Nike goal and just do it! It will be uncomfortable for you, it will be uncomfortable for the people you are talking to, because really, who wants to invite family, friends, strangers into your bedroom?  Who wants to have all this people all up in your uterus? Who wants to answer the questions, "Is it her?," "Is it him?," "Which one is responsible for ruining their dreams?!?" We know those questions are there, lurking under the surface.  Hopefully, your friends and family will have a little more tact and either phrase the questions differently, or Hey! Novel idea here... just don't ask THOSE questions!

But seriously, we are in the land of "Everyone's business is my business" so, let's get back to the original question.  How do you start the Talk?

I don't start the Talk with many people.  In our family, only our closest family members and very few close friends know what we have been dealing with all these years.  It's one of our Vault topics.  We just don't talk about it.  Why? Because we have had too many people comment about "God's Plan" and "Not meant to be" and how so and so is "stupid to waste so much time and energy and if they just RELAXED they would get pregnant easy, Just like me!"  Those comments hurt.  Those comments sting.  Those comments spend entirely too much time in my over taxed brain, popping up every time something goes wrong or even when something goes right.  No matter how little faith I try to put into those words, once they are out there in the world, they are out there.  And I think about them.

Oh, and then there are the comments, from the well-meaning people of the world. "How old are you?" (32) "Oh wow, you aren't getting younger, you better pop out some kids!" Well, gee.  Thanks.  Last I checked, women were having kids (although maybe not the best idea, but that can be a topic for another day) well into their 50's.  I *think* I still have some time.  Or or or "When are you going to fill all those empty rooms in your house?" (Well, seeing as we just moved in 4 months ago- they are great for storage right now.) "It's never too early to start prepping the nursery!" Cool.  Glad we have your permission.  I'll let you know when it happens.

So, anywho, here we are again.  Infertility.  It sucks.  It sucks for everyone.  I am hoping to start documenting the journey of Us, and see how this journey goes.  Over the next few posts, I hope to talk a little about how we got here, mixed in with a bit of where we are now.  It may be disjointed at times, but the story will be told, and while it doesn't have the baby happy ending... we hope it will some day soon.

So, join me on this crazy journey.  I have a lot to share, and a lot to learn.  And I hope to have the Talk with all of you.