Monday, January 20, 2014

How does one start?

How do you start "The Talk" about infertility? Do you start dark and gloomy or full of pep and optimism? Use humor, sarcasm, make passive-aggressive statements? How do you let people know that one of your deepest, darkest fears has been your reality for over 7 years? It's not an easy road to travel.  It's not a fun road to travel... and that's not even counting the actual journey. I am merely talking about TALKING about infertility.

The answer is easy.  Go for the Nike goal and just do it! It will be uncomfortable for you, it will be uncomfortable for the people you are talking to, because really, who wants to invite family, friends, strangers into your bedroom?  Who wants to have all this people all up in your uterus? Who wants to answer the questions, "Is it her?," "Is it him?," "Which one is responsible for ruining their dreams?!?" We know those questions are there, lurking under the surface.  Hopefully, your friends and family will have a little more tact and either phrase the questions differently, or Hey! Novel idea here... just don't ask THOSE questions!

But seriously, we are in the land of "Everyone's business is my business" so, let's get back to the original question.  How do you start the Talk?

I don't start the Talk with many people.  In our family, only our closest family members and very few close friends know what we have been dealing with all these years.  It's one of our Vault topics.  We just don't talk about it.  Why? Because we have had too many people comment about "God's Plan" and "Not meant to be" and how so and so is "stupid to waste so much time and energy and if they just RELAXED they would get pregnant easy, Just like me!"  Those comments hurt.  Those comments sting.  Those comments spend entirely too much time in my over taxed brain, popping up every time something goes wrong or even when something goes right.  No matter how little faith I try to put into those words, once they are out there in the world, they are out there.  And I think about them.

Oh, and then there are the comments, from the well-meaning people of the world. "How old are you?" (32) "Oh wow, you aren't getting younger, you better pop out some kids!" Well, gee.  Thanks.  Last I checked, women were having kids (although maybe not the best idea, but that can be a topic for another day) well into their 50's.  I *think* I still have some time.  Or or or "When are you going to fill all those empty rooms in your house?" (Well, seeing as we just moved in 4 months ago- they are great for storage right now.) "It's never too early to start prepping the nursery!" Cool.  Glad we have your permission.  I'll let you know when it happens.

So, anywho, here we are again.  Infertility.  It sucks.  It sucks for everyone.  I am hoping to start documenting the journey of Us, and see how this journey goes.  Over the next few posts, I hope to talk a little about how we got here, mixed in with a bit of where we are now.  It may be disjointed at times, but the story will be told, and while it doesn't have the baby happy ending... we hope it will some day soon.

So, join me on this crazy journey.  I have a lot to share, and a lot to learn.  And I hope to have the Talk with all of you.