Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Where do you lean?

When I first started this journey, googling all about pregnancy signs, I found an online community where I made instant friendships.  In the beginning, we were all happy and joyful about our journey to have a baby. Every day we would spend hours chatting back and forth and enjoying each other's "company." It was a great place to learn, laugh, vent, and establish a virtual friendship.  Over time, we said hello to many, many, many women that eventually moved on in their pregnancy journey.  Over the course of a year, it narrowed down to a group of about 30 that bonded really well.  We eventually left the main site we met on and created our own online community.

During the next 5 years, we lost a couple of our members due to some crazy circumstances (cat fishing anyone?), as well as to differences of opinions.  In the end, we had a rather strong group of women that numbered in the low 20's.  Out of all those women, all but 4 went on to become pregnant, some even multiple times over the course of 5 years.  Of course, I am one of the 4 that has not been pregnant... yet.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time with these women, and even though I have distanced myself from the forum for personal reasons, I am still in contact with most of them through facebook and texting.  As I think back on my journey, I wonder how I would have made it this far without this amazing group of women.  Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing support system in real life.  B and my parents have been through everything with me, and we have his parents that have supported us, as well.  I also have my bff to keep me sane, whether IF related or life related.  Even before I opened the door to our IF struggle, my friends and coworkers have been an amazing support for me.  But, this group of women... my "Mafia..." they were there every step of the way and could understand just about everything I have dealt with because so many of them went through the exact same thing.

We all bonded over our want for a family.  Some of us have gotten there faster (and many times over!), but we still all have that common denominator in our lives... the struggle to create the family we all wanted.  I am grateful every day for these amazing women.  I've been lucky to meet a couple of them in real life, and still want to meet so many more of them.  I am "MafiAuntie" to many of their kids.  And I love all of them for the support and love they have shown me over the years, even if I am not always able to show it.

So, who do you lean on? Who is your support? This journey can be so heart wrenching.  Everyone needs someone in their life, whether in person or through the Internet or long distance or wherever. Where do you go?