Sunday, February 2, 2014

The Post in Which We Share TOO Much

Sitting here, thinking about how our journey began, I have a hard time recalling a lot of the details.  I remember bits and pieces, but I think it has been so long so we started, that I have either (a) blocked everything out or (b) forgotten due to old age. Neither is a great choice!

I do remember the first time we thought we were pregnant.  B and I were married in September of 2006. The day after our wedding, I started the mother of all horrible periods (I told you we would share too much in this post!). Like the cut out my uterus, throw my ovaries off a bridge, curl up in a ball and drug myself type of period.  Way to start marriage, eh? Looking back now, and knowing what we have been through, I almost feel like that was my body's was of warning me- "Life is never going to be the same for you!" 
Either that, or  "(Insert expletive here) YOU!"

November came, and no period.  B and I have never made our desire to have a family a secret.  I think just about anyone who has come into contact with us in the last 15 years has known that we have always wanted children, and planned to start not too long after the wedding.  I remember we had several disagreements about when to start.  I wanted to wait a year before we started (HA!), and B would have been happy if I had walked down the aisle pregnant.  That discussion seems so silly now, so trivial.  

Anywho, of course I tested.  And tested. And tested.  Always a negative.  BUT! Google says there are a lot of women who do not show up pregnant on their tests, so the only way to know is a blood test and ultrasound!  I MUST be one of those women!!  I felt sick to my stomach often, my breasts were sore, my face was breaking out. I had to be pregnant! Then December came, no sign of my period, no sign of a positive test, and I was finally able to get in to a doctor. Of course, I wasn't pregnant. The doctor had no answer for me about my MIA period.  Maybe stress?  Maybe weight gain? Maybe all the recent changes? The doctor ended up dismissing my concerns and said that women didn't have to have a period every month. 
I was shocked! I mean, I grew up with the knowledge that periods come every month, and if it doesn't come, you better get thee to a doctor and congratulations! I found a new doctor the next month that was closer to home and much more friendly.  After a visit to the new guy, we talked about forcing my period to come through medication (lol, who *wants* to force their period!?), and thus started 6 months of forced periods. We eventually had a discussion about using clomid, because not only did my period disappear, so did my ability to ovulate.  Clomid would help me ovulate, which would help get me pregnant, which would probably fix my period issues after I had a baby. YAY!  Well, not very well advertised fact- Clomid makes you gain weight faster than you can swallow the pill.  Thus began two years of Super Fatty T! I gained 40 pounds on clomid, and I am still fighting the battle to lose all that weight today. WEEE! 

Moving on, after the clomid did nothing to help us, we did a hydrosonogram and discovered a had a massive cyst on one of my ovaries. So, I had laparoscopic surgery to have it removed in January '08. Still nothing helped.  We were referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) and began having Intrauterine Inseminations (IUI's) in February of '08. We continued through 7 IUI's and blew through $5000 until we called it quits. Throughout all of this, we were made very aware that B had testosterone issues, as well as very low sperm counts.  He was seeing a urologist and several other doctors to see if there was anything else he could do on his end.  Basically, both of us have screwed up reproductive systems. We finally accepted that the only way we would possibly become biological parents was through In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF). Then we were hit with the price tag for IVF, and our dreams were majorly put on hold.

Insert long story about putting our house on the market, T moving to the beach to start teaching and live with her parents, our house being half destroyed by a tornado, B losing his job, officially moving with T and her parents, B starting a new job, FINALLY selling our old house, and finally buying our new house. Yeah- did I have stress in my life?!

Despite all those crazy changes, moving in with my parents was amazing because it afforded us the opportunity to do not just one, but two rounds of IVF with the Jones Institute. We were very lucky because the Jones offers multiple versions of IVF, and we finally found a plan that we could somewhat afford.  Since we had minimal bills while living with my parents, we were able to pay down some debt and afford the cost of our first cycle (though stupid ass, we still managed to rack up debt because of unforeseen medicine costs and other medical costs). Once the house sold, we were able to afford the second round, which the Jones discounted for us since our first round did not work.  As most of y'all know from previous posts, the second round did work, albeit briefly.

And now, here we are.  Working towards our 3rd IVF, and hoping it happens for us this round. Seeing it written out, it doesn't seem like all of that was really 6+ years of struggle.  And yet, we can feel every moment of it.